THE "SMELL"

Hey there this is something i am writing for my current humor report......dunno if its going to be selected or not but im sure it will make someone smile....This is about the fact that our country is a rather "smelly" one and i dunno about your college but there certainly exists a whole panorama of smells in my college....anyway here goes:-

the nutty optimist

THE "SMELL"

I was told by our chief editor not to use the word stink because it would be impolite and i promised him that i would try my best.....Come to think of it, it is NOT a stink....its NOT even close....its huge, so huge that everyone experiences it in every single day of existence in this college!

Still baffled about what im trying to talk about....well its the huge variety of smells you get while wandering through our very own campus....By the way sorry for not introducing myself. I am J.A.C.K.(thats, Just Another College Kid) and meet my friends W.H.A.C.K.(Weirdly Heroic Average College Kid) and C.R.A.C.K(Crazy and Retarded Average College kid).....dont ask any questions about the generous use of dots in our first names...ITS A LONG STORY!

So there we were, three of us strolling along the road between the Staff quarters and the Girls Hostels’ when suddenly this awesome “smell” hit our noses, I say hit because it was so powerful that our tiny brains were literally knocked out of our already half empty skulls.....WOW...it was worse than being hit by a ten tonne truck(I say this, because C.R.A.C.K. was once in that situation, thats why hes a little cuckoo!. Dont tell him i told you so though...hes a bit sensitive!). Immediately the three of us began wondering what could be the cause of that horribly beautiful smell. W.H.A.C.K. said it was because of the leftover food from the mess, C.R.A.C.K. thought that it was because of the huge heap of what seemed to be dog droppings in the corner(We had to stop him before he dipped his finger and took a taste).....

Anyway travelling through the same area again the next day we noticed that the smell had not disappeared but had been replaced with an equally powerful, mystifying smell. W.H.A.C.K. decided to get to the bottom of this mystery.....

He hasnt had much luck figuring it out what those smells are. However he does tell me that the smell is not just limited to that particular area...ITS EVERYWHERE.....the food court, the backgate and most importantly inside our very own mess.....Wonderfully though the “smell” does two things. It either draws you towards it just like Rakhi Sawant attracts primetime news reports or it REPELS you just like a friend who does not wash his hands after a visit to the urinal!

I guess the “smell” is a part and parcel of living in India....and frankly we three are proud of it! Who would want their country to smell like a laminated piece of existence! Would you?

P.s. oh WTF!

EXCESS Baggage and the PERENNIAL SEAT NEXT TO THE WINDOW

Im writing this in the middle of my flight from DELHI to CHENNAI, back to college that IS!! And despite the extremely cramped space in which im writing and the loud announcements for obnoxiously highly priced snacks, I just had another one of my TAWS moments; thats THINK AND WRITE SOMETHING moments.........Anyway these guys at Indigo should definitely reconsider their leg space and well elbow room as well....the funny guy on my right is snoring loudly and judging by his fake TAG HEUER and the nail polish on his pinky, im guessing it wont be much time before he starts dreaming about his wife and begin feeling the big guy on his left...YA THATS ME!!!

OH crap he almost woke up...geez don’t wanna show this to him!!......GUESS what, i discovered elbow space...HOW YOU ASK? Simple....just pushed my seat a little back and wedged the elbow into the gap between me and LOUD SNORING DUDE’s chair! Gotta manage somehow....

It always amuses me how every single time i fly alone two things always happen to me.....


1. I ALWAYS HAVE EXCESS BAGGAGE, i mean every friggin time.....ITS LIKE A CURSE.....My mom and i spent an entire week(YES! A week....) packing and even got the weighing machine to check how much the weight was adding upto.....I probably figured it would be like 25 kilos......AND I ALSO HEARD ABOUT THE 5 KILO discount for students....but i guess Indigo had a pretty packed flight. {FOR THE RECORD i can hear the snoring dude’s whacky snoring sounds still despite METALLICA being played in my ear.....PITY the guy on the extreme right...i think he has a MIGRANE though...he ordered a 50 buck orange juice.......}

So where was I.....aaah the excess baggage! Yes, about that.....well whenever im with my parents I never face this problem..NEVER EVER.....How come?? I believe the people at the check in desk have a secret button which they immediately press when they see big people or RECKLESS, NUTTY college kids on the way back home..........

I honestly feel that airlines should increase the limit ORRR judge the baggage limit by looking at the size of the guy/gal.....NO SERIOUSLY , BIG people usually like to pack more and don’t let me get started on how the weight of the clothes worn by the big dudes and dudettes are heavier!!! Thatll help....FOR SURE.

Enough kidding around....i guess i really need to check how much baggage i carry from next
time...I don’t think my dad would like the idea of shelling out 1000 bucks every single time i fly!


2. This problem is actually worse than the first one......its so uncanny that it happens even when im flying with my folks! I ALWAYS ALWAYS get a seat above the wings......I mean i love to look out, even ou of an airplane flying at 35000 feet(DOES INDIGO really do that???)...those cloud patterns are so sick!!! And i guess my brain loves to think when im looking out......i get my best ideas there and of course on my roof or the LOO!!!! Its like the plane just doesn’t want me to think on the flight....besides it does get pretty boring(at least for me) on a flight....especially domestic budget airlines!

Even when i called my dad before takeoff he guessed that id gotten a seat overlooking the wing....Its become sort of a habit though and the optimist that i am, i figured some really nice benefits of sitting above a wing......

First of all you can act as a warning beacon when something goes wrong....you can spot if any of the screws are coming off the wing or if something is about to get caught in the engine.....AND THEN OF COURSE.....YOU CAN DIE.......godll be nice to you and put you in heaven....at least you screamed first before all hell broke loose!

Secondly you can see the functioning of all those tiny parts on the wing.......and appreciate it! I don’t know how many of you have noticed but the wing is actually divided into segments and each one functions at a different time....its pretty fascinating actually........

Thirdly....well because you don’t have a view, the people towards the aisle don’t strain their necks to catch a glimpse of the city youre going to land in....i feel pretty weird when that happens and also confused! On one hand i feel like obliging to the request and move back so that the poor passenger does not snap his neck......WOW i can so imagine that in the headlines......”MAN SNAPS HIS NECK ON AIRLINE BECAUSE FELLOW PASSENGER REFUSES TO BUDGE HIS FAT NECK TO LET HIM SEE THE VIEW”....On the other hand i feel a little selfish and lazy and don’t wanna waste my calories shifting for some random person i don’t even know...YES i knoe i can be an A-hole too sometimes.........


SHOOT turbulence....gotta close my lappy and keep the chair in an upright position before i get an, ahem polite request from the air hostess...........DARN YOU CLOUDS!!!! Also i better stop before i twist a ligament or two because of the un-ergonomic positions!

This one ends here.......

thenuttyoptimist

P.s. i recognise 2 of the 3 air hostess’ from earlier flights. cant wait till these guys give me a frequent flier card and shift me to first class.....OH Wait budget airlines don’t have a FIRST CLASS!!!!!1

P.P.s. MY HANDS HURT....OWWWWW.......i need a bigger chair!!!!! GET ME THE LAZBOY!!!!!!!!!!!