I Am...Version 2.0

I don’t like to talk about myself….Really! It just makes me uncomfortable…I’m constantly told that I undermine myself way too much…Don’t know if that’s true…

Anyway…what should I call this…Nonsense verse maybe….Far from Sukumar Ray’s work obviously (And I’m not trying to compare my work to his….There’s no way I can ever reach the level of brilliance he had) but it’s just very random…I guess I was thinking of the things I am, things I have been and things I can be and this is what I wrote…

There’s actually another version I wrote too…I’ll probably put that up as the next post….

Oh…this is not an attempt at self-aggrandizement…It’s not even close if you ask me…Lately stuff’s been happening that has just made me want to you know, introspect a bit…Truth be told, it didn’t really help…I just realized I’m still the same person I always have been….!

Sometimes…that’s what is important…sticking to who you are…being yourself…

This is me…J

I am…

The comic strip that’ll put a smirk back on your face,

The waste paper basket you’d want to throw waste in,

The last leaf that refuses to fall when the wind is too strong,

The firefly whose butt lights up in the darkest of places,

The kid who likes to just sit in the cafeteria and study people,

The turtle that peeks out of its shell,

The fuel that keeps the fire inside burning,

The compulsive brat who just has to know why,

The doodle that suddenly starts making sense,

The peacemaker you might want to keep in handy,

The foodie whose hunger is insatiable,

The eraser to help you wipe off that unnecessary mark,

The realist who believes truth reveals salvation,

The loony canine who doesn’t want to get trained,

The old pair of jeans you just cannot let go,

The eyes that find beauty in nearly everything,

The soul that finds solace in music,

The guy who believes that a smile can say it all,

The nut that’s part of the master-plan,

The weirdo…

…who ended up writing something like this!

I need a new way to sign out....

thenuttyoptimist

We...

So this one is basically...is basically....ok, quite frankly I dont know what its about....

I guess these are just random thoughts of mine that I somehow managed to write down on paper...Dont ask me questions about it...Just read and get what you can out of it....If there is something to get out of it....

And yes, i know some lines rhyme and some dont.....Like some wise person i know said "Dont force anything to rhyme"...

I'm just following good advice....:)

thenuttyoptimist

P.S. Internet...has become a luxury for me! I swear there is better signal at the bottom of the Mariana Trench for cryin out loud!!!!

Anyway...read on...

We share a laugh,

But we find it difficult to smile.

We say we want love,

But do we ever give it back?

We say we have friends,

But we love to be left alone.

We say it’s all about freedom,

Is it something we can actually fathom?

We say we believe,

Still we question so many others.

We say we understand,

But then, do we extend that helping hand?

We say we love peace,

But we fight too many wars within.

We say we love to share

But how many of us actually care?

We say we hate pain,

Yet we inflict it for our own gain.

We sing, we dance,

But do we give others that chance?

We love those who are selfless,

Still we are over-concerned about our wellness.

We say it is noble to give,

Do we take back something in return?

We say we all dream,

Yet we find it hard to imagine.

We say we speak the truth,

But do we say it when it’s needed?

We say we are flawed,

Still we never accept our faults.

We see what we like,

Or do we like what we see?

We take pride in being unique,

Yet we search for familiarity.

We say we are rational,

Why then, do we indulge in insanity?

We say we are human…..

….But we still crave for humanity!

There was a time....

Ok...poetry...clearly not my cup of tea...Not that i hate it....In fact, i love poetry and poets more than poetry...You truly have to be gifted to be a good poet....Anybody and everybody can write a paragraph or two about likes, dislikes, current affairs..BLAH BLAH BLAH....Try to convert that into poetry and you'll know exactly what i mean...
So ya....Poetry is a gift that I have not recieved but I have tried my hand at it....a very few times actually....twice to be exact....and the first time I came up with something so baseless, horrible and pathetic I thought i'd never do it again.....
But.....I did....and what's underneath is what i wrote...I guess i tried to make sense...somehow... I'm not trying to get it published, neither do I want people to make a huge deal out of it...I just wanted to express certain emotions and I did.....sure felt GREAT!!!!
Mind you....when youre reading this, please dont take it in a negative sense and get all depressed and stuff...not my intention at ALL....
Oh and you can totally dislike it and abuse the shit out of it too.....No problemo.....


Signed
thenuttyoptimist

P.S. Before I forget......Thank you Nithya....for inspiring me.....:)




There was a time
When push need not be necessarily converted into shove
When I dreamt of things I could achieve
When darkness was locked up and stuffed in a corner
When patience felt like a gift and not a curse.


There was a time
When I never used to wake up and feel alone
When I could crack a joke and not worry about the repercussions
When I had those who loved me, next to me
When I could afford to get lost and be reckless.


There was a time
When a good book and not my mp3 player was my best friend
When the lines on my forehead were faint
When sleep was a necessity and not a comfort
When I did not have to see the smile in my eyes flicker.


There was a time
When friends eagerly stepped aside to let me go in front
When I was not judged by marks of ink on a coding sheet
When a smile and not a look of threat welcomed me
When knowledge was shared and not kept a secret.


There was a time
When distance was measured on a map and not in terms of hours
When I would be lost in the ecstacy of fantasy, and not the bitterness of reality
When walls were broken in my mind and not made
When there was no need to compromise on anything.


There was a time like that
Maybe time changed
Maybe I changed with time
But it does feel so long and so far away now
Out of reach but not out of sight.


Yes, there was a time like that
AND YES, I do miss it
But I dont let it bring me down, I dont let it make me cry...
I dont worry about it because I know I can get it back
I keep breathing, I keep believing, I keep smiling.....
I WALK ON.....I......LIVE ON.......

SHIT's Happened!..........

That's right...A lot of shit's happened.

T0o much shit to write in one post actually.....In fact I dont even know where to start....7 months is a huge gap....And i know I don't have a lot of people reading my blog, so I'm sure I wasn't missed. Fact of the matter is I dont want to be missed as well.....It's just that I've missed writing on this space....MY space....the whole purpose of me starting this blog is threatened by my inability to post more frequently....That makes me SAD!....And its not like I haven't visited my blog....It's not like I haven't stared at my dashboard for minutes...It's not like I haven't gotten ideas for posts too. I just haven't been able to sit patiently and gather my thoughts into a stream of words. There have been days when I've watched things happening around me and I've promised myself that I'd write about them when I go back to my room. But the moment I see that blinking cursor I am just not able to concentrate. So what does that say about what's happening around me.......

Am i getting preoccupied with so many other things that I dont have time for one of the very few things I can truly call mine?

Does it mean that life has become a blur where I've been running around mindlessly?

Does it mean I'm losing touch with the guy inside me who loved to write about any topic that came up on his mind?

Does it mean i'm becoming a part of a machine, a routine I told myself i'd never be a part off?

OR

Does it mean i'm just tired....tired of the hypocrites around me? tired of the concerned pleas by those who care? tired of false promises made by people who just wanna use me?

Ya you guessed it.....i'm pretty screwed up now!

Anyway back to the reason why i decided to actually write this post, to tell you in brief what's happened in the last seven months.

Let's start with the things that have remained the same........I'm still studying at SRM Chennai, the guys in my hostel have still not learned how to use a flush(BASIC HYGIENE IS SIMPLY NOT THEIR FORTE), I'm still doing the humor column for the newspaper and some of my work has been really appreciated and I'm told people actually look forward to reading my stuff(I can feel my conscience patting me on the back), still have a wonderful set of roommates and few, but really awesome friends in college. I still have a talk with my mom thrice or even 4 times a day, my phone expenses are still the same and my phone balance is most of the times used by my roommates to talk to random people(which is totally fine by me; better somebody uses that money than it just rotting in my account), I still fall sick after eating the food in the mess, I still haven't found the restaurant with a butter chicken even slightly close to the ones i'm used to in Delhi. Lots more but this is basically a gist of it...........or at least thats all i can think of right now.

Now about the good things...Went on a trip to Hong Kong and Macau at the end of December 2009 with my family and my cousin's family......managed to bond with my cousin after a LONGGG time and it was one helluva trip...I'll probably post a link to the Picassa web album once i have decent internet back home and am able to finally upload all the pics (The wi-fi in hostel takes 5 minutes only to open G-mail's html version.....ironically though facebook opens in seconds!!!!). Went on an "All Boys" trip to GOA at the beginning of this semester......just 5 guys with overflowing testosterone levels, limited cash and a desire to GET away from the heat and madness of COLLEGE.......One week of bliss.....Honestly i felt Delhi was probably the only place I'd love to settle down in India, now i'd gladly add Goa to that list....I am just captivated by the "laid back, CHILL MAN....everything's gonna be alright" attitude the people have over there....That reminds me, another link to be added!...Moving on.......

I joined AIESEC Chennai and am working with the Outgoing Exchange Department with one of the coolest and influential students..... I've begun to love and respect them immensely.....AWESOME PEOPLE(well at least in my department)....I'm actually grateful i filled in the form and applied to AIESEC....Though I'm still in doubt about why I joined....but I'm sure if I hadn't I would have missed out on an amazing opportunity to meet and work along with some fabulous people.....Yea Arjun, Aacquib, Moen, Nithya, Juhi, Anirudh, Nikita and Preenish....if you guys are reading this.......KUDOS to you guys....Thanks for making life for a shy, slightly off, semi-loner a little more comfortable in your small but very effective ways. And apologies to all those whose names i haven't written......I just haven't interacted with you guys much but i respect you equally. You know it took me two years to realise what makes a city wonderful are the people who are living in it EVERY SINGLE DAY.....they are the essence of the city, if the city is a body; the people are its pulse....Without good people a city is nothing but a lifeless machine where heartless clones earn their daily bread.....BAD Metaphor, but anyway...........I've actually started relating with Chennai.....i've started accepting the beliefs people have here......I've started understanding how things are done in Chennai and I LIKE IT!

Also I am the proud author of a paper that has been published in the International Journal of Science and technology.....and its up on Google Scholar too.....There's a huge story behind that...Sometime later though.....I fear if I start talking about that I wont stop plus it'll probably piss both you and me off....ask Andy....Him and I had a ball of a time a few weeks ago ranting about all the shit happening in our lives for more than 3 hours.......Aah Andy.......What would i have done without you dude.......Thanks a lot for just being there man!!!:) Cant wait to come back and hang around with you doing completely random shit...........

AAh now about things that have affected me in a negative way......Well first of all there's the publication and the interaction with a certain professor of mine who clearly showed me that we live in a world where the easiest way of getting things done is by sucking the BALLS of the guy on the top.....Sorry for the vulgar imagery....But its true......This professor has just become a major pain in my ass and he openly loves to smooth talk not only his students but also his superiors into believing his BULLSHIT!!! And worst of all he does not practice what he preaches, AT ALL! I mean the guy can behead a human on television and still talk about world peace and how he hates terrorists....PSEUDO to the POWER INFINITY....I'm so angry i came in contact with a loser like him......Interesting part is how he still tries to swing me towards his favour and gives me this respect.....DESPITE knowing i hate his guts and stand against not only his methodology of getting things done but also his ethics and general OUTLOOK...I've met quite a few spineless people and he definitely tops the list....WOW I've never said something so negative about anyone, EVER!!

As a result of this fiasco I can declare that after this semester I've become a more impatient person and i HATE IT......! I've had arguments with the few people i'm close with in college and probably hurt some of them too.....And i feel sorry....very VERY SORRY.....You remember I felt like I was losing a part of myself.....This is exactly what I meant......It's not like me to write about negative stuff, to rant about things or people and to especially not hurt any of those people near me..........WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME..............argh!!!!

Somebody teleport me back home now...........I need it like bad!!!!!

Signed

ME

Ya i'm ending it....Dont know what else to talk about or write.....I know most of it doesnt make sense anyway....I STILL FEEL I NEEDED TO DO THIS AND I'M GLAD I DID...............

P.S. I'm going to write more often.............I really am..........more like I really need to.......!