The battle of poori!

hey sorry i couldnt update....exams and assignments...never knew that theyd actually grill us in engineering...anyway im sending this one to my editor(there have been major changes in my college newspaper management....more about it later)...Anyway this is the unedited version of something very close to my stomach....all of you eho stay in hostel know that food over there tends to be oversucky.....especially if youre not in your hometown!!! so here goes....ENJOY?!??!

WAR.....hate it or love it, you just cant ignore it. They say war affects everyone, young and old, loudly obnoxious and weirdly silent, FAT and MALNUTRITIONED......everyone! Its easier to start a war amongst us adolescent hostellers with soaring adrenaline levels....it takes a minor bone of contention for us to shed our images of “humble” social animals to bloodthirsty rampaging guinea pigs....YES GUINEA PIGS....dont let their whiskers fool YOU!

About the battle....well, it takes place on the days when we get poori in our mess (actually we have an erratic schedule in the mess....it never fails to STARTLE US...which isn’t a bad thing). There is something about those little round, oil laden deep fried snacks that just grabs our attention.....maybe its the beautiful golden texture, maybe its the oil oozing out, maybe its the intoxicating odour.....and C.R.A.C.K., W.H.A.C.K. and me LOVE THE POORIS HERE....no matter how many gelasils we have to gobble afterwards!

The entire hostel somehow gets the smell when there is poori in the mess (C.R.A.C.K. says that the ability to detect good food is in our genes!). And once those gates open....its all about how fast, how ruthless, how selfish and how tactful you can be. The first tray is brought out we pounce for those cholesterol ridden treats in a manner that would put savage, flesheating werewolves to shame. In fact its so intimidating that even the guys in the mess prefer to stay inside the safety of the kitchen.......The battle rages on for the most fluffy, the most crisp and sometimes even the largest poori....and chaos reigns.......Pooris fly around like bullets....There are of course casualties, some get hot oil on their hands, some burn the tips of their fingers, some even drop food on their clothes while fighting for these WMC’s(Weapons of Mass Consumption). The facts are simple;”FIGHT OR STARVE!!!”

However in these desperate times, C.R.A.C.K. and me depend on our only ray of hope.....W.H.A.C.K.....There’s a reason why he’s known as WEIRDLY HEROIC AVERAGE COLLEGE KID. As soon as we grab our plates W.H.A.C.K. makes a run for the tray of pooris as if it were a portal to Willy wonka’s chocolate factory. He dodges the huge dogpile of humans and forces his way through the heaviest of crowds...HE’S LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN USAIN BOLT AND A WORLD CLASS RUSSIAN GYMNAST...watching him get those little buggers is like watching a perfected dance routine!

Somebody needs to stop this battle....it often puts us in weird situations...You know how we always tend to take more than we eat...OK, MUCh MORE!....and when W.H.A.C.K. sees his hard earned pooris being thrown into the bin, he obviously gives us this expression.....C.R.A.C.K. and me feel bad and instead of owning up, we start pointing fingers at each other, sometimes even coming up with silly reasons like “the fly in my poori was actually moving”. Who could’ve thought that something so tiny could actually lead to up an article in the college newspaper!!!! Funny eh.....

thenuttyoptimist

The thing about vulgarity......

Firstly sorry for the late post....been a bit busy....Anyway this one is gonna be about a baffling fact that has confused me for a long time.....

VULGARITY.....We all are vulgar at some point of life, even though your two-toe goody ass may not accept it now...REALLY ALL OF US HAVE MADE SOME SORT OF NASTY OR DIRTY COMMENT AT SOME POINT OF LIFE! ok if youve not made it, at least youve thought about it......take for example calling the guy who almost runs you over with his brand new BEAMER, an ASSHOLE! Or calling that teacher of yours who never ever does anything in class but always ends up giving you loads of assignment a LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING FAGGIT.......All of us have at one point or the other spoken it out or at least imagined something "vulgar"....then what is the big deal about VULGARITY????

I mean, seriously I fail to understand the perception people have of vulgarity.....youre called a dirty little piece of rotting soyabean by people if you curse or swear or even hint at using the eff word BUT the people vindicating you will be saying SHIT and CRAP at least 50 times a day.......I mean is there like a legal document that provides light over the different types, levels and degrees of intensity of cuss words and toilet humor....IF there is id sure like to get to the section where there is a mention about which word is punishable and which is not!!

There are apparently also these rules youre supposed to follow if you have even the slightest hint of vulgarity in you. For example youre never supposed to talk about vulgar stuff in front of your elders....even if theyre debating about which picture of RAKHI SAWANT's shows the most cleavage or which outfit SARAH PALIN looks most foxy in! There is also the rule about minding your tongue in front of girls....we're supposed to act like those overrated chocolate bollywood superstars...In short we're suppposed to be unreal and fake, and sadly that is appreciated....NO WAIT, ladies dont get me wrong.....I believe you should always be courteous and polite in front of the fairer sex....but i hate it when someone gets glares for making some sort of vulgar joke...what happened to the phrase JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS! Where does all the camraderie and good sense of humor disappear and why does that obnoxious TCH TCH sound come in??

Everyone enjoys a good vulgar joke if some douche bag comedian makes it on the screen, especially if its accompanied with some sort of awkward pelvic movement...HOWEVER, as soon as you make one in an ahem social gathering...everyone glares at you like the last piece of tandoori chicken left for a flock of chicken crazy DElhi-wallahs......WHY?

OK ive come up to the conclusion that there is something horribly wrong with my brain right now to write something like this on a public place like the blogosphere...OR what i say actually makes a tiny bit of sense...even if it is infitismally small....YOU DECIDE!!!

Anyway if you ask me the bottom line is that people all around are actually as confused about vulgarity as yours truly......And as opinionated as us humans usually are, nobody falls back before labelling something as vulgar(especially the government, what was wrong with AXN again???)...If you really REALLY think that the guy who cracks a non veg joke in front of you...or takes a double meaning for something you said is as cheap as those fake AIR-JORDANS in Pallika...YOURE MISTAKEN.......look around you and you just might find someone meaner!!!!!!

ASOmewhatreLievEd
thenuttyoptimist

P.s. I am not angry so dont worry about the tone in this article

P.P.s. I LOVE TOILET HUMOR....no matter what you say about it......